Doctor, Doctor, Doctor HOOOOOOOOOOO!

I had a doctor's appointment today.

Apparently he wanted to discuss my blood test.

He was not happy. My LDL went up, my total cholesterol went up, my A1c went up from the last time I saw him, and he seems generally unhappy that I'm not in the range to where the 'purists' think I should be.

My Diabetic Pharmacist however, she's pleased as punch. Since I started seeing her my A1c dropped by 1 point and my blood glucose levels became in line with a tighter control with an average below 130 mg/dL.

Doc is only seeing what's on the blood test.

I walked away with two more meds in my arsenal. Can't wait for my wife to get onto the same schedule as I am so I can exercise with her. I know that I am not reliant upon her to begin a regimen, but it sure makes it easier when you have a partner.

I get to see Doctor Ho (yes, really) in 3 months. I want to make him eat crow for his bad attitude.

Talking Soup

I make good soup.

If you didn’t know that about me, that’s my own fault and I’d like to rectify that.

Hello, I’m Gary, and I make good soup!

So, what does that have to do with the blog you’re currently reading? Well the issue is of focus, time management and output. It’s also about less specialization. I don’t need to manage three different blogs to be who I am.

Okay, so maybe the issue is that I’m tired of trying to maintain three different web presences with limited to no success. I don’t need three different faces to let everyone know that I’m as rich and hearty as my soup.

I’m jam-packed full of flavor!

There are times when my presence is light and mellow, offering a pleasant and happy distraction. There are also times when I’m heavy and overpowering, dragging you along for the ride. I’m also everywhere else on any given day. My flavor may change depending on the ingredients I have – as it should.

There’s a great deal of information and guidance about how to develop platforms and presence out on the web. Some of it contradicts one another. After analyzing all of the data that I’ve come across, the only solution that I can come up with is a rather clichéd adage put out by Sammy Davis Jr.

Which was also updated for the younger generation by 23 Skidoo.

As of today, I’m putting a plan in place to accomplish me being me.

Hi, I’m Gary: Writer, blogger, rpg gamer, console gamer, diabetic, step-father, husband, friend, confidant, proof-reader, smiler, frowner, eater, cook, baker, candy-taker, dancer, prancer, romancer, rhymer (no, wait, that’s someone else), foodie, ex-smoker, science-fiction/fantasy nut, storyteller, bread winner, digger, amateur philosopher, reader, psychologist, Landgrave of Charcuterie, Garde Manger and whole host of other things.

I make good soup.

New Link

I've been away for awhile.

I've been letting the Diabetes get to me. I'm finding myself going through fits of depression and mania regarding my condition.

My wife has been my anchor. I don't tell her often enough.

At any rate, I've found a new resource for me and I thought I'd share.

It's the National Diabetes Education Program sponsored by the CDC and the NIDDK.

I'm pretty excited about exploring the site.

Cheers!

Giving Thanks

It’s been a week since I saw my Diabetic Consultant.

The best thing about having diabetes is that you can start over when you fall down or become lax. It is also the worst thing. I had become comfortable in my routine and began to only test once per day (if I remembered). I wouldn’t suggest it. The work I’m putting in to get back on track is pulling me down paths that I thought I had already put behind me.

Paths are bi-linear. They always will have at least two ways you can walk them. It’s dangerous to think that you’ll never get lost on a familiar path or that the obstacles on that path are not just as intimidating as they were in the beginning. No matter your team, be they family, friends, pharmacist, physicians, fools, freaks, fairies, fencers, philanthropists, phrenologists, or any number of other folk, they will not truly know what you’re going through until they walk your path and see things as you see them.

For all of you Nay-Sayers, please understand that I’m not disrespecting your empathy. Just understand this: conception is not reality. For you non-diabetic folks I know that you can conceive of what the situation might like, but you will never know unless you are in the same situation. God love you for the support that you’re giving anyway! As a diabetic I do appreciate the work that you do and I know, yes know, that your diabetic does too.

So, for today, I am thankful for all of you in my situation to provide me guidance and camaraderie during my path to control this tiger that I have inside of me. I am thankful for my family, friends, pharmacist, physicians, fools, freaks, fairies, fencers, philanthropists, phrenologists, and the many number of other folk who have both endured and inspired me along the way.

Happy Thanksgiving.

It's a 200 Day.

I'm trying very hard not to smash my meter as it's giving me results. It's not the fault of the technology. The meter is giving me the results it is programmed to give. The problem is either the test strips or the blood at this juncture. I'm leaning more towards the latter.

I expected a high in the morning as I had some chips and salsa last night. Yes, corn chips. No, I didn't count them.

At a servings size of 2 Tbsp for the salsa (10g Carbs/Serving) puts just the salsa at 40g of Carbs! A meal should be a maximum of 60g of Carbs, by the way. Sadly, this was just a snack. The chips run 10 for 17g of Carbs. Again, I didn't count them and the Nutrition Label doesn't give me a measurement for say 1/4 of the bag!

When a reading comes up that surprises you, there are generally a few things that can help to narrow down the reason behind the number. It's not always the fact that you've eaten the wrong things. It could be the test strips, the meter, the blood, a dirty test site and a whole host of other things that I cannot remember. My Diabetic Pharmacist gave me a list of things during our meeting, but yeah, I've slept since then.

The best thing to do first is to test the meter and the test strips with your control solution. Mine was provided with my kit that I got from Dr. Gameshowhost. The solution is designed to register a 'normal' reading. So with my meter, that's anywhere between 85 mg/dL and 115 mg/dL. So here goes!

Ready?

Set?

GO!

Note to self: Be careful with the control solution. It has the consistency of Kool-Aid and is the color of blueberry juice.

And the result is: 106 mg/dL. Damn. Control came back in the normal range. So there's the hypothesis blown. So the next thing to do is test the blood again.

So, last night I tested at 1903 Local time wit a reading of 155 mg/dL. Not the best, but it wasn't that bad. This morning (after the Chips-and-Salsa Incident, as it came to be known) at 0615 I had a reading of 204 mg/dL. Not the best start to my day.

I had yogurt, coffee with creamer and as always, diet Dr. Pepper until lunch. For lunch I had a grilled ham and cheese on rye bread. You may think that's extravagant, but it's really not. While tasty the most expensive part of that meal was the rye bread. It runs, on average, 15g Carbs per slice. Check your own bread, it's probably worse. I also had veggie straws and a pickle spear. The total should have kept me under the 60g carbohydrate limit for my meals.

The next test was at 1324 local time with a reading of 210. Yeah, gleeful wasn't it? This test was two hours after I ate so I figured that either my Honey slipped something into the sandwich to bump up my sugar, or it was a false reading somehow. I have had no food since lunch time and it's now 1655 local time (some five and a half hours after lunch).

Test strips and meter are working correctly, so let's see what's in store for test number three, shall we?

Drum roll, please.

And for those of you who are thinking, "Well gee, didn't you take your medication at lunch?" The answer to that question is, "Yes, yes I did." Thanks for checking on that though folks.

Zip, prick, ooze, tick, tick, tick, DING!

And the result is 116 mg/dL. That reading is just on the diabetic side of normal and I'll take it! This puts my average for the day at 177 mg/dL. Again, not the best number in the world, but it could always be worse.

High days happen and you shouldn't feel guilty about them. LEARN from them instead. Diabetes isn't going to change overnight and neither are my habits. It took some time to learn the bad habits I've got, and it's going to take work and time and patience to unlearn them as well.

That is the Tao of it.

I Survived Being A Loser

I remember the first day after I was diagnosed with diabetes. It was surreal and scary. I was walking around in a fog. My balance was upset and I didn’t know what to do. I had no idea of what I could eat or do. My medicine was giving me stomach cramps and all I wanted to do was hide in a corner and cry.

It was kind of like this:

Many professionals that I have spoken to informed me that this is not an uncommon response for someone in my position. I had too many questions that were leading to no answers. I was entirely frustrated and the feeling of wanting to run away and cry lead to feelings of just wanting to smash something into tiny little pieces.

Yeah, ’Bat SMASH!’

The actual process of dealing and accepting the fact that I am diabetic is still an ongoing process. I am still in month nine of my newly diagnosed disease. I am by no means a shining example of what a diabetic should be. I am about 70 pounds overweight and my blood glucose average for the week (as of this writing) is 175 mg/dL.

Diabetes is a heavy presence in my life. It’s akin to a rather infamous albatross that has been the subject of many a story and song. I’m still going through the journey to accept that I am more than the diabetes. I keep having to tell myself that it is only a part of me. It is not the end-all be-all of me. I am much more than diabetes could ever be.

That first day though, was near impossible.

Any grief counselor (or learned friend with a fast internet connection) can tell you that there are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I bounce between #2, #4 and #5, so don’t feel bad if you’re doing the same with your piece of drama that you’re dealing with. It’s normal and healthy. Just learn to recognize it for what it is.

On the morning of the first day I knew I had diabetes, I was still in shock. I didn’t know what to feel or do. I was lost. Like I said, I was in a fog. I didn’t know why I was blessed with diabetes when I had gone into the doctor to find out how to quit smoking.

At this point I was bouncing between denial and anger. I didn’t believe that I had diabetes. The doctor had to be wrong; especially with how he had told me that I had the disease! Yeah, I survived an Asian Game Show and all I got out of it was a psychological scar and Type 2 Diabetes. Glee.

I still have resentment towards myself and how I got myself into this place where I have to monitor my blood sugar and work physical activities into my life. I was never one to be athletically inclined, and I resent the fact that I absolutely have to get out there and move my FA in order to survive for not only myself, but my wife, kids, and the rest of my extended family.

It’s hard and there are times I feel like just giving up, but that would be letting Diabetes win. And I’ll be thrice-damned before I let that happen.

Now it's kinda like this:

The rain is Tess, the fire Joe

It was a chilly February evening when the phone rang. My wife and I were sitting on the couch watching TV. Neither of us were expecting a call so we were both confused and annoyed. In the evening, we try to make time for each other and block out the interferences that the outside world throw out.

Prior to the phone call, we went to the doctor to try to get a variety of things check on. We sat in the obligatory lobby for the appropriate amount of time (at least according to their staff), and waited in the equally obligatory cold waiting room for the doctor to grace us with his presence for an equally appropriate amount of time.

Blood work was ordered, antibiotics were authorized and many other concerns were addressed – including my addiction to nicotine. The chantix was ordered and picked up and the vampires took their requisite liquid in order to run my lipid panels and a variety of other tests.

It was gleeful.

When the blood test came back, the Physician's Assistant called my house.

Me: Hello?
PA: Yes, this is Michelle from Doctor Ho's office. Am I speaking with Gary?
Me: Yes.
PA: We've received the results of your blood tests and your glucose levels are really high, you may have diabetes.
Me: ...
PA: You need to come into the doctor's office this week.
Me: ...
PA: Hello?
Me: I can't guarantee that I can come in this week. I work.
PA: The doctor needs to advise you, this is pretty serious.
Me: ...
PA: Mr. Weller?
Me: Really, you're giving me this over the phone? I'll see what I can do.
PA: Well, do this as soon as possible.
Me: Yeah.


To be fair, I don't remember exactly how the conversation went, but this is how I remember it.

I was angry that the PA told me over the phone about this potentially life-threatening disease that apparently came from out of nowhere. I was mad that I had to make another obligatory appointment with an equally expensive co-payment from the doctor's office in order for me to get told about my diabetes.
I made the inconvenient appointment. The staff at the center tried to give me the brush-off and schedule the appointment in two weeks.

Two weeks? Really? WTF?

I had let the scheduling staff know that I was just diagnosed with a potentially life-threatening disease. They were appropriately shocked at my candor and equally apologetic and concerned for my condition. They schedule me in an ’emergency’ slot within the week.

The time came and my wife and I were in queue to speak to the receptionist. The insurance had just changed. So, even though we were early, the staff at the desk had some sort of inability to understand the sense of urgency that both my wife and I were expressing. They also seemed to have an inability to double check their work. On one of the invoices, they had spelled my name incorrectly which started an appropriately concerned response with an equally slow response time in setting up another invoice with my correctly spelled name.

When we finally were able to see the doctor, it was akin to being in a surreal Asian-flavored game show. I remember the doctor rushing into the waiting room and issuing an appropriate apology because he was rushed to make a meeting and giving me an equally stereotypically Asian declaration, “You have diabetes!”

The only thing that came to mind was a line that Lee Marvin delivered in Paint Your Wagon, “Howdy Parson, welcome to HELL!”